I must confess to you this morning that I daily live between two distinct poles-the realm of faith and the realm of doubt-and I suspect many of you here today inhabit this territory with me. I have come to value the practices and the challenges of faith-to be sure-but I cherish my doubts even more. A life of faith is incredibly important to me. It is central to who I am and how I choose to fashion and form my life in the world-but it is my doubt that prods me along and challenges me to ever-process my beliefs and to question those things that many say are simply unquestionable. My faith is important-but my doubts are crucial-for you see without them I would believe nothing!

And so this morning I want to hold up the importance of doubt in our lives of faith-the need to place doubt in a central spot as we journey together on the way. And yet I also know that this may feel like an odd thing-a strange notion to grasp and get behind. For how many times have we been told that faith is supposed to be about certainty, and clarity, and conviction. Faith is supposed to be that place where you go to get your ultimate questions clearly and concisely answered. Faith is meant to comfort while also conforming us to a system of belief that offers stable structure in the midst of what seems to be an unstable and structure-less world. Faith conquers all doubt, we have been told-for doubt is nothing more than the Devil's handiwork and it has no place or position in our spiritual lives. The certainty of faith-that is location toward which we should be ever-striving! The certainty of faith--that is what is primary for people who claim to follow the risen Christ!

How strange, then, that in the face of such certainty, the author of Matthew should dare to write THIS at the conclusion of his text. Listen closely: "The eleven disciples were on their way to Galilee, headed for the mountain Jesus had set for their reunion-and the moment they saw him they worshiped him. Some, though, still were filled with DOUBT!" Now did you hear that? Upon being reunited with Jesus, some still were filled with DOUBT! But who are the "some"-you may ask? Well first and foremost there is no mention here by the author of some kind of entourage following the disciples to this mountain meeting-place! There is no reference to a curious crowd pressing in to hear what the Risen Christ has to say to his faithful trainees. No, the doubting "some" in this text are not select people in a peripheral crowd, but rather the doubting "some" are made up of Jesus' closest followers. And, more interesting still, these disciples hadn't just suddenly begun to have doubts-for as the text states so clearly they "continued" to doubt. But here is something even more amazing-more important still! For in the face of such doubt among his closest devotees, Jesus doesn't set up a heresy hearing or call for a public trial to uphold the tenets of the faith! Jesus doesn't vote these faith-companions off the mountain, or banish them from worship, or refuse to speak a kind word to them. Jesus doesn't set up two camps-one for the devout and one for the doubters! No! Instead Jesus speaks to everyone present-the sure and the unsure-and says to them that he will be with them always-day after day after day, year after passing year-no matter what!

I have to tell you that I am thankful for this Gospel story-thankful that the author includes even me-a faithful doubter-- in the story-line. But I also need to say that I wish someone-somewhere-had pointed this inclusion out to me early-on in my long journey of faith-for it would have helped alleviate an incredible amount of guilt and shame and fear that I carried around for far too long! Why didn't the church teach me that doubt was part of a life of faith rather than something to be hated or hidden away? Why didn't the church encourage me to use my doubts to probe Biblical stories that made no sense to me, or to grapple openly with my doubts at those points where my faith felt rote and scripted? As the author Phillip Yancey writes-and I am ever-thankful for his words-"If the truth be known, doubt is the secret skeleton in the closet of faith . . .If I asked every person to stop reading my books whose faith had wavered-as a result of a tragedy, or a confidence-shaking encounter with science or another religion, or disillusionment with the Church or individual Christians-I might as well stop writing altogether!" Yet as Yancey concludes, " So why, then, does the Church treat doubt as an enemy of faith? Why do so many of us feel as if we have to choose between being truthful traitors or loyal liars?"

Now I don't know about you, but I do not want to have to make that choice any more-to live my life of faith either as a truthful traitor or as a loyal liar! And you know what--I don't want others to have to make that ridiculous choice either-for why do you think that church pews are empty all over this country? Why do you think thinking people run for the hills when they are told that they must accept certain certainties to be deemed as truly faithful-things like belief in the virgin birth, or the inerrancy of scripture, or the literal miracles, or the literal, physical bodily resurrection, or the literal, physical bodily accession of Jesus into heaven? It is because there is no room for doubt in any of these constructs. Why do you think people fall apart when they begin to question the existence of God after the death of a beloved spouse, or the birth of a disabled child, or the break-up of long-term relationship. It is because, too often, the church tells these folk that there is no room for doubt in the midst of life's tragedies and traumas. But here is the real tragedy, I think! The real tragedy is that there is literally no room for God's Spirit to move, and enlighten, and engage faith communities that only want to see life as black or white. There is literally no room for God's Spirit to move, and enlighten, and engage faith communities that only want simple answers to complex questions. There is literally no room for God's Spirit to move, and enlighten, and engage faith communities that want their parishioners to check their minds and their questions at the front door of their sanctuaries. All of this is tragic-for as the author Ambrose Bierce once observed, "People grow in faith, not in proportion to their willingness to blindly believe, but in proportion to their readiness to freely doubt!"

So let me ask you--are you somehow ashamed that you have doubted God's presence in the midst of a personal health crisis? Then I ask you to put your shame aside this day-and join me now here in this company of faithful doubters. Are you somehow fearful that you have questioned God's love because you have been hurt and wounded by people you thought were your friends? Then I ask you to put your fear aside this day-and join me now in this company of questioning believers. Are you somehow embarrassed that you have lost a sense of God's presence in your life because you are lonely, or depressed, or struggling with work or family relationships. Then I ask you to put your embarrassment aside this day-and join me now in this company of people who believe that God's Spirit is with us-day after day after day-even when we cannot sense it or feel it. But most importantly, I want you to know this! Even with all of your doubts, God will never, never ever banish you from the table of faith. You will always be a welcomed guest-this day and all days-even to the end of the age!

The centrality of doubt-it is so important in the midst of people who are struggling to be faithful! It is not to be eradicated but rather it is to be embraced. So ""talk to me about the varied practices of faith and I will listen gladly! Talk to me about the challenges of faith and I will listen attentively. But don't come talking to me about the certainties of faith or I shall suspect that you don't understand!

Thanks be to God! AMEN